Lung Burn, 1101
After two and a half weeks of working, negotiating and deep patience, I've finally worked out a plan that will let me get back on court to start training again.  Today was my first day back on the greenset after a 1.5 month knee injury cum rehab period.  Despite a certain sense of trepidation, I was totally psyched =)

We practiced from 4pm on the hard courts today--and it was bloody bloody hot.  Europe's going through a massive heatwave right now, and though the weather report said 28degrees, it honestly felt like a withering 36.

Nevertheless, it felt good to be back in the game (quite literally).  And especially since I didn't get any funding during my 7-month sponsorship search back home, the reasons for stepping back on court were startlingly clear.  There is no pressure to prove myself, or even to push myself, because clearly, no foundations, councils or private sponsors believe in me.  Strangely it doesn't affect my own self-belief, but it does undermine any sense of pressure that might come with monetary sponsorships.  Cut! Go the strings attached.  I'm doing this because I want to do it.

Thankfully, the ones who do support me, do so without expectations.  Like my family, Vince, Calvin, dear TM, SK, UC.  I know that they don't give a damn whether I end up a pro or not.  They're in the mix with me because they love and care for me.  And that's the best thing to realise, really.

Knowing that, I had enough clarity about me to realise I had to stop after an hour of intense drills on court.  The girls are hitting the balls harder than before, and they're all tanned like the roasted brown chickens they sell at chicken rice stalls.  Yes, dark brown from hours and hours of sun.  It kills me to think what their skin will look like ten years from now.  I, on the other hand, was puteh puteh (absolutely white) in comparison.  Imaginably, my whole body (eyes and head included) was unused to such strong sun.  My head started throbbing overtime 45 minutes into practice. I could literally feel the heat pulsating through my neurons, like a time-bomb ready to explode.

Still, I really enjoyed myself today.  I had fun (something I'm learning is the most important thing).  I felt my body well, and I could see clearly.  With no pressure to perform, I had to smile when that inevitable lung burn came after the first round of drills.  It was maddening in the heat but it also felt insanely liberating  =)

Slowly but surely, I'll be getting back into the mix.  Vamos!