Practice today was alright.  

I lost my tournament match yesterday 6-1, 6-0 to a Malaysian girl.  Fernando was quite upset with me because, although she was a good player, I've been practicing good enough to have at least given a better score.  

I was so frustrated after the match I fell into that age-old rhetoric that's been going on in my head each time my practice goes bad:  "What's the point of training so hard if I so often screw it over during tournament matches???"

I get so SO frustrated when I'm not hitting the ball the way I want to.  And then when the ball gets a bad bounce (clay surface is uneven) and I miss the ball, I just go BALLISTIC inside.  It's not very good.  

I'm putting myself up to exacting standards, but can't manage my emotions very well when it doesn't go the way I want it to.  I ended up half-arguing with one of the coaches today (Ravi) who has constantly been telling me to keep calm and address what needs to be addressed.  To many extents, the coaches here expect more maturity from me (which is natural), but I find it so difficult to control my emotions.  Good mental discipline means keeping it in and not letting your opponent know at all what you're thinking.  It means keeping positive, composed, tranquil when your insides are burning and you feel like hurling your racquet over the fence and screaming

"YAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  

Wah.  Really very difficult.