Chewed Up, Spat Out. 
Today marked the perfect case in point of court failure.  I played a set with one of my team mates and just when all started well, I started making the most ridiculous unforced errors after I had set up each point, almost perfectly.

She's running like a rabbit from left to right, getting pushed further and further back.
Then?

I miss an easy volley.

Almost perfectly, eh?

Initially the errors rolled off like water off a duck's back.  Until my coach started talking to me, and I started thinking about my strokes, and thinking and thinking and thinking.  Eventually emotion crawled in, my game wormed in and out in my mind, and everything just crumbled apart.  In other words, I fell like a worm to the chicken beak of anxiety.


Hahaha.  Bad analogy.  But true.

After practice, Toni my coach chewed me up and told me I threw away three full games because I was dwelling too much on what was wrong instead of what was right.  His words hit home, and while part of me fought them (I was trying)----a small voice told me I was getting screwed over because I was trying in the wrong way, with the wrong spirit and the wrong attitude.  I dwell too much on my mistakes in the pursuit of the illusion of instrumental perfection.

I walked off court with a bittersweet taste in my mouth.  Bitter because of the way I got chewed up, and the consequent frustration I felt with myself.  Sweet because beyond the negativities, I knew at least he cared to tell me what was wrong with my game.  I think too much.

Still, I think I need some time to process.  And think (ha) things through.